i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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