Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
