How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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