dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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