you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
