How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
