I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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