At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
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