You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
We had to coat check the pizza.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
