worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
