sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
