Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
