The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
