he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
