i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
