Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Boobs speak an international language.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Randomize
