i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
