I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
