Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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