i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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