He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
