I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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