maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
