New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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