Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
