need another drink. this is the easiest way
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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