he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
