When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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