Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
