Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
