i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
