Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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