theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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