It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just want nice things and good sex
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
