your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
