but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
