I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
