Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
