you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
