All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
