i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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