Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
