Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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