Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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