Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
