im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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