I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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