When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
