I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
FUCK WHALES
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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