he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
