what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
