I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
